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[Satire] Manuscript Found! "Book of Joseph" Discovered After Nearly 200 Years — Turns Out to Be One Big Ego Stroke

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By Mason


SALT LAKE CITY — Scholars have discovered the long-lost Book of Joseph, a sacred text Joseph Smith claimed to translate from Egyptian papyri that he acquired in 1835. Thought lost after Smith’s death, the manuscript was recently found in a private collection in New York City and authenticated by experts. But the contents have left many raising their eyebrows — because it’s basically one long prophecy about Joseph Smith himself.

Vignette described in 1835 by Oliver Cowdery as coming from the Book of Joseph, allegedly depicting Eve's temptation by the serpent

The Book of Joseph expands on the biblical story of Joseph of Egypt, describing his rise to power, prophetic dreams, and visions of Moses and the coming Messiah. But much of the text focuses on a future seer named Joseph who would "restore the fullness of truth" and "translate records from the dust."

Dr. Andrew Marshall, professor of religious history at BYU, said, "It’s remarkable how directly this ancient text seems to confirm Joseph Smith’s prophetic role. Almost suspiciously remarkable."

Even more staggering is the size of the work. The Book of Joseph is larger than the Bible, spanning over 2,000 pages of prophecies, historical narratives, and theological teachings. "It’s the largest religious text we’ve ever seen," said Marshall. "And Joseph Smith apparently translated it using an absolutely unprecedented method."

According to early church records, Joseph apparently translated the Book of Joseph while completely blindfolded and placed in a dark room facing a bare wall. "Which begs the question," said Marshall, "why did he need the papyrus in the first place?"

"Joseph described the translation process as ‘pure revelation,’ claiming that the words would simply appear in his mind as he sat in darkness," Marshall added.

Critics have called the text "suspiciously self-referential." Dr. Michael Coogan, a Harvard-trained biblical scholar, said, "This text is the most self-congratulatory "prophecy" in religious history."

The church plans to digitize the manuscript and is considering adding it to the Pearl of Great Price. "This confirms what we’ve always taught," said Elder David A. Bednar.

President Nelson responded to the discovery by saying, "It’s clear that the Lord had Joseph of Egypt prophesying about Joseph Smith. This record was then purchased and translated by Joseph Smith. Some might call that a coincidence, but we don’t believe in coincidences."

Scholars are preparing a full critical edition of the text, though early reports suggest that the Book of Joseph contains striking parallels to the Book of Mormon and Book of Abraham. "It’s not every day you find an ancient religious text that spends this much time talking about one guy," said Marshall.

#mormonism #satire

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