[Satire] General Conference Attendance Hits All-Time High After Rumors of Free Costco Samples at the Conference Center are Confirmed to be True
SALT LAKE CITY — General Conference attendance skyrocketed to record-breaking levels this weekend after rumors spread that free Costco samples would be available in the Conference Center following the Saturday afternoon session. Church officials were reportedly "shocked and delighted" to see every seat filled, with lines wrapping around Temple Square an hour before the session even began. "It was truly inspiring," said Elder James Crawford. "The Spirit was palpable. I haven’t seen this many people at Conference since President Hinckley’s funeral, and even that didn’t have this level of enthusiasm." The rumors began earlier in the week after an ambiguous post on the official church website mentioned "refreshments to follow." Speculation spread rapidly on social media, with one user posting, "If it’s Costco samples, I’m driving up from Arizona." Another added, "If they’ve got those mini quiches and the chicken bakes, I’m ...